Another day and a step forward

It's been an odd day. Worked all day chasing around a 3 year old that still occasionally calls me mommy. Went to a meeting I had no interest in because DF was going to be there. Went out to eat even though I had eaten so I wouldn't be alone. Now we're quietly sitting waiting to go to bed and I'm reflecting on the past week.

Doctor #4, the first RE was a bust. I hate car salesmen. I just don't feel the need for certain things the first time I meet a doctor. I came in for a second opinion with printed lab work and an image disc and you think fingering me is going to tell you something? That's backwards at the very least.

I'm going to get printed copies of the test results early next week. I've decided after the crap I've been through recently not only to double check everything I'm told to the Nth degree, but I'm also going to keep my own copy of my medical file. I doubt I'm going back to Doctor #1 or #4 at this point, so on to #5.

Doctor #5
Pros
-They have financing. I don't have to wait until I come up with cash or get on DFs insurance. I'm willing to eat the extra cost over time if it means not waiting another six months to a year and a half.
-They are willing to look at all the tests I can bring them and use as much of it as possible to avoid retesting.
-They don't do physical exams on the first visit.
-They seemed genuinely horrified by my whole ordeal.
Cons
-They are further away 5 min vs 35 min

DF talked to them and they are trying to fit us in for next Saturday. They don't normally do consults on the weekends, but DF really can't take off any more work. So I guess we'll see.

Seriously?

Doc #4: I am convinced that the RE I just went to enjoys long trips to africa funded by testing fees. He refused to look at my ultrasound or bloodwork from two weeks ago because they weren't done by his people. He decided he needed to give me every test they can throw at me which equates to $1500 OOP. FML.

So, what now? I could take the provera and start my cycle, but I have to wait until I have a pile o' money to throw at it. Get a second RE's opinion (any suggestions i'm in western chicago burbs)? Wait til I get on DHs insurance (at least a year)?

Way to kick a girl when she's down!

So the last doc was a bust. I was coded wrong so they thought it was my first pregnancy checkup (it was horrid). She was flippant and dismissive because they "don't deal with those sorts of things". She gave me a sheet of clinics that do IVF in the area, which was not was I was looking for yet and refused to give a second opinion. She gave me a referral within their network to someone who she said works with people up through the first couple of rounds of clomid and may refer us on from there. I called and made an appointment for tomorrow, fully explaining what I needed. The nurse called me this morning and said she was confused and I needed to call her because apparently they don't do anything with that either. At this point I was beside myself.

I called and talked to their head of employee relations. It took me about 20 minutes before she admitted to me that no, they really don't handle any of that. I can deal, I'll go somewhere else, but they took my money, for nothing. Why would that be an option in their system if they don't offer it? Why could none of the people who took my appointments told me? Why couldn't the doctor tell me herself? I still have my appointment on the 2nd with an RE who is a member of a third group. I'm paying cash and expect some trouble, but this is nuts. You don't have to help me be a fragile crazy person, I am very efficient at doing that to myself at this point.

Oh, and I got to give a back massage to one of the THREE pregnant women in my social hospitality group of about 40 members....

First a bit of history.

My mother was always a bit overbearing in my healthcare, since the age of 18 I have been a very active person on such matters, but lately it's been complicated a bit. When I was 16 I showed all secondary sexual characteristics but had not started yet. She thought I may have a hormone imbalance and took me to the doctor. The doctor agreed and put me on a pill to chemically start my cycle. After that I was put on OC and was regular as clockwork. At 17.5 or so I had an irregular pap (as the doctor had also said that I had to have them annually) and then a colpo. 

DH and I have been TTC for a year and a month now. I discontinued the OC and at now have irregular menses (lastly over new years). I've recently gotten healthcare coverage and have been setting up appointments like mad. I requested to see an endocrinologist but they sent me to a family practice. She asked a ton of questions but by the end of the 45 min appointment, she was pretty insistent that I have PCOS.

Low and behold the bloodwork (the phlebotomist had to fish and I had quite a bit of bruising) and ultrasound (which are quite painful for me) came back normal. I have a slightly high LT/FSH ratio but still well within ‘normal’ ranges. At the follow up appointment she first tried to put me on metformin without any of the bloodwork to check for the insulin resistant markers. Then she decided to go check with ‘another doctor with more ob/gyn experience’ who suggested clomid. When she came back she clearly had google with clomid on her phone. She said 3 months (with no correlating bloodwork).

I went to an appointment today where they mislabeled me as pregnant and coming in for my first exam so a bit of extra sad there. That doctor basically laughed at me and threw me out (they don’t do ‘those sorts of things’). I have another appointment at a third group on April 3rd finally with an actual RE.

I have had this feeling since 16 that something just wasn’t quite right, but haven’t been able to prove anything, and one of the most frustrating bits is that I found it impossible to get any help shy of the one year mark because despite being the best versed person in the world on my body, I couldn’t have known this, right?

Compounding matters DH had a previous wife who after a long battle with infertility proved unable to carry a child. They lost the ability to communicate and drifted apart. He knows so much and I know so very little, we talk about everything though, so at least our fears are addressed and in the open, but I cannot help but draw parallels as we go through the same process.
I don’t have any friends to share this struggle with and it’s a lot of weight to dump onto DH’s shoulders alone. Hopefully I can get help here.